South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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