I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize