My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
