He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
