and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Randomize
