Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
