fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
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