so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
