Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
