We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
