I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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