What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
