dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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