i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
