The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
