what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
There r osticjed everywhere
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
