ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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