Do you still have your period?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
