my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
what day is it and did you see me today?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
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Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
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Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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