i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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