alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Im part way to drunk.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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