Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
