I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
