I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Quick, to the slutcave!
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
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