I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize