Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
