Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
The Olympian is in my bed
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
