Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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