Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
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Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
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I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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