Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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