Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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