If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
