Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
