is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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