i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
