I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
i need some magic done to my vagina
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
