he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
