Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
