We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I want to fling myself into the sun
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Text me some of your sweat
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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