Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
