well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
It's shark week go big or go home
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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