my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
