if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
