Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
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