I wish I could teleport
I'm lost and stupid without you.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
