just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize