you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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