Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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