This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
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