My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
