hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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