i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
