Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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