38 yer olds are good kisserssss
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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