What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
