I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
