Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
