we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
